“I have achieved my seventy years in the usual way, by sticking strictly to a scheme of life which would kill anybody else....I will offer here, as a sound maxim, this: That we can't reach old age by another man's road
“What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light
“Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen
“There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press
“It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.
“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man