My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.

You can only be as good as you dare to be bad.

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning

America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one dollar and use it up in two weeks

If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company; I've got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner

My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?

A man must pay the fiddler, in my case it so happened that a whole symphony orchestra often had to be subsidized

Paper napkins never return from a laundry - nor love from a trip to the law courts

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony

The way to fight a woman is with your hat - grab it and run

The good die young - because they see it's no use living if you've got to be good

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams