“I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning
“America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one dollar and use it up in two weeks
“If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company; I've got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner
“My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere
“Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock
“A man must pay the fiddler, in my case it so happened that a whole symphony orchestra often had to be subsidized