Parentage is a very important profession, but no test of fitness for it is ever imposed in the interest of the children

Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else

Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.

I dislike feeling at home when I am abroad

Every man over forty is a scoundrel

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh

The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.

Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended.

Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive

The best place to find God is in a garden. You can dig for him there

Animals are my friends... and I don't eat my friends

Peace is not only better than war, but infinitely more arduous

Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does

Just do what must be done. This may not be happiness, but it is greatness

It is the mark of a truly intelligent person to be moved by statistics

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children